Why Is That Guy Driving Without A Shirt?

Hello, my adoring fans. I know I haven't written for quite some time now. Summer has a devilish way of distracting you with other things. The rascal. However, summer is coming to an end. And so, my dear readers, I am here to ask you about one of the mysteries that comes with our sunny season: Shirtless Drivers. On any given day during the summer, you can spot at least one guy behind the wheel of his car sans shirt. Not that I'm offended by the lack of clothing, (if the guy is ripped then the sight may even be welcome) I'm merely curious. Baffled even. What motivates a shirtless driver? And since I'm too timid to ask one, here are some theories of mine.

• If he wore his shirt, he would have nothing to fling over his shoulder at the amusement park.

• He just got off his job as a bodybuilder.

• He's allergic to fabric and class.

• He's not wearing a shirt because this is America, dangit. Get your laws off his body.

• He is a gullible emperor.

• He doesn't want service at any restaurant.

• He's on his way to a soap opera audition. Preferably something with "Love" in the title.

• He had an argument with his shirt after his shirt promised to go to Walmart with him, but bailed at the last minute.

• He's a diehard sports fan who is meeting his friends at the stadium, where they will spell out "Go Team" on their bellies. He will be the empty space between the words, to avoid possible "Got Eam" mispronunciations.

• He can't afford a shirt because he spent all his money on pants, shoes, hats, sunglasses, thumb rings, and woven necklaces.

• He just put a big tailpipe on his car, and now he's worried that his Honda can reach speeds fast enough to burn the clothes of his body. So to prevent a forest fire, he doesn't wear a shirt. He's the real hero.

• He's a Twilight fan, hoping to find that his skin will sparkle in the sunlight.

• He is wearing a shirt. It's just that our X-ray vision has finally kicked in.

Twenty Things of the 90's

Ahhh, the 90's. The days of my childhood. I've come up with a list of twenty great things from that blessed decade. This is for all you people who remember what it feels like to push a VHS tape into a VCR. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the nostalgia!

1. The best darndest TV shows that ever existed.
   
   
   That's right, folks. The 90's rocked the house with television for kids. I still am a devoted fan to most of these shows, including (but definitely not limited to) Arthur, Boy Meets World, Recess, and Spongebob Squarepants.
   
   
   
2. Skip-its
   
   Either you or someone you know had one of these. I totally owned one; it was purple, and I was awesome at it.
   
   
   
3. Reading Rainbow
   
   "Butterfly in the sky
   I can go twice as high
   Take a look
   It's in a book
   A Reading Rainbow!"
   
   Gotta love that LeVar Burton. He's like the Old Spice guy of the 90's.
   Also included in the cool shows list are: The Magic School bus, Mr. Rogers, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
   
   
   
4. Scooters
   No, I'm not talking about the mopeds that every BYU student seems to own. I'm not talking about those at all. I'm talkin' bout the old school, hard-core, totally awesome Razor scooters. You are not a true 90's child unless you spent your summers riding around on one of these bad boys.
   
   
   
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
   
   ...makes me hungry for pizza, every time. Without fail.
   
   
   
6. Whatever the heck THESE were called...
   
   You remember these...they were all stretchy and cool and everybody had at least one. No idea what they were called though.
   
   
   
7. Fresh Prince
   
   "Now here is a story all about how, my life got flipped-turned upside down" *Cue everybody and their dog finishing the entire theme song* This show is where my love for Will Smith began. And just because I know you all want to listen to the song now, here ya go: Click HERE. Also, the Carlton Dance (yes, click that one too) remains one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
   
   
   
8. Nintendo
   
   
   The one that started it all. Nintendo. Super Mario Brothers and Duck Hunt are awesome. And if THIS song doesn't bring back all your childhood gaming memories, I feel extremely sorry for you.
   
   8b. Rollercoaster Tycoon & Sims
   I couldn't resist putting in a tribute to the classic computer games as well. Sims was always great for seeing how many ways you could kill off your virtual person, and RT was just pure awesome.
   
   
   
9. Bubble Tape
   
   
   I learned how to blow a bubble with Bubble Tape. No lie. I also love that zebra gum that had stick-on tattoos on the wrappers, even though the gum's flavor only lasted for about 3.2 seconds.
   
   
   
10. Pokemon
    
    "It's super effective!" Ohhhhh, yes. The original Pokemon. The cards, the show, the game, you name it. However, the original 150 are the only ones I accept. And no matter what you say, Charizard (and/or Charmander) will always be my favorite.
    
    
    
11. The Backstreet Boys
    
    
    The soundtrack to the 90's. Also included in the mix were N'Sync, Spice Girls, Britney Spears, Nirvana, Avril Lavigne, and many more.
    
    
    
12. Slap bracelets
    Just another thing that defined you as a 90's kid.
    
    
    
13. Bill Nye the Science Guy
    
    "Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill!"
    My dad reminds me of him. A lot.
    
    
14. Beanie Babies
    I always wanted to find one with the same birthday as me. But for now, I'll settle with my hedgehog that I named Giacomo.
    
    
    
15. The Babysitter's Club books
    
    Also classic but not pictured: "Goosebumps" and "Animorphs". I promise, if you went to school in the 90's, you've read one of these books.
    
    
    
16. The Oregon Trail Game
    
    
    The very best part of computer class in elementary school. Except when your family dies of dysentery or the measles. Then you feel all responsible for their deaths.
    
    
    
17. Tamagotchis
    These were a huge deal. Your very own hand-held digital pet. I have known girls - and boys, for that matter - to cry when theirs died because they didn't feed them enough. True story.
    
    
    
18. The Sandlot
    "You're killin me, Smalls!" Arguably one of the best (non-Disney) films of the 90's. That dog scared the crap out of me as a little kid, though. If you grew up in the 90's and didn't see this movie, shame on you.
    
    
    
19. Furbys
    
    The creepiest toy ever made. Seriously.
    
    
    
    
    
    And last, but most certainly not least...
    
    
    
    
20. DISNEY MOVIES!!
    
    I am a complete and total Disney nut. I absolutely adore the classic Disney movies (with the exception of Snow White..I hate that one). I can quote these movies to no end, and I will sing every song word for word. Lucky for me, all the classic movies came out when I was a kid. I even remember watching the trailers for a few of them. Lets just list some of those beauties, shall we?
    
    
    • Aladdin
    • Cinderella
    • Beauty and the Beast
    • Mulan
    • Toy Story ("Siiiid, your poptarts are ready!" "ALL RIGHT!!")
      
    • The Lion King
    • Robin Hood
    • The Goofy Movie
    • The Emperor's New Groove
      
    • Pocahontas
    • Tarzan
      
    • The Little Mermaid
    • Hercules
      

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness...

Bo! Bo!! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

There go the lights again...

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile, shmeril. The floor's clean, right?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature!

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Darn! Page 147 of the manual is missing.

Alarm Clocks (Part 2)

So I'm guessing most of you have already read my post about alarm clocks. (If not, click here!) I thought I had found the worst of the alarm clocks out there: Clocky. However, I was surfing the web today, and to my horror and dismay, I discovered I was wrong. Dead wrong.

You remember how I told you that the alarm clock companies thrive on making you look like a dork first thing in the morning? You don't? Click on that link already, jeesh!! But if you do, here is my proof. Get ready for the Evilness. (And yes, these are all real.)

1. Attention! Ever wonder what waking up in the army would be like? Well today is your not-so-lucky day! With this Drill Sergeant clock, you can experience arising to a blasting of the morning bugle call "Reveille", before your very own sergeant starts barking orders at you.


2. Duck and Cover
Now, this little alarm grenade is not to wake YOURSELF up, but to wake up roommates, siblings, parents, bears, etc. (Caution: Do not attempt unless you are ok with the fact that said victim will most likely chase you out of the room and beat you to death with the closest available object. And then go back to sleep just to spite you.) How does it work? Simple. Pull the pin, throw the grenade into the room, and run like heck as it emits an ear-splitting noise.


3. Blast Off

Ok. Now we're getting into the alarm clocks that make you WORK to wake up. (Sound familiar? Clockyyyy...) As the alarm goes off on this little beauty, it shoots the rocket off in your room, and the only way to turn it back off is to get out from under the covers, find the blasted thing, and stick it back onto the launch pad. Yay.


4. Puzzled

Oh goody! Another one! This one shoots the puzzle pieces across the room, and you have to find them and then put them back where they go.


5. Get Up, Stand Up


Probably the hardest part about waking up in the mornings is actually dragging your sleep-ridden body out from under those toasty covers. This alarm clock plays on that weakness. It's actually a mat that you have to go stand on for it to turn off.


6. Keeps On Going, and Going, and Going...

Good glory. Another one. This one is guaranteed to jerk you from your dreams. What a brat. When it goes off, it make a continuous beeping noise and flashes green lights until you rotate the little arm lever for one and a half minutes straight. Think you can just take out the batteries? Ohhh no. The battery is built in, and rechargeable.


7. Humiliation

I saved the worst for last. This alarm clock just descends to a whole new level of Evilness. Its job is to shame you out of bed every morning, whether you like it or not. Plug in your cell phone, and if it keeps ringing, it dials a random number in your contacts. So not only will YOU have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn, your dear Auntie Gertrude will too. And she will not be so dear to you when the first thing she hears is your groggy voice.

This One's For You!

Due to the fact that I sit around all day at work doing virtually nothing but watch stuff on hulu, text anyone who will put up with my chatter, and hit the refresh button on facebook, I've decided to give this blog some more lovin. It's been neglected lately, the poor thing.

First and foremost, this particular post is dedicated to my aunt Denise and my cousin Erica (who requested on Thursday that I refer to her as "Bertha". Whatevs. No judgment. ...Weirdo.). They have informed me that they are great fans of this here blog, and that Erica's roommate apparently has an awesome laugh when she reads it. Rock on, roommate. But for reals, I'm glad you guys like it! You'll be getting your thank-you presents in the mail. (If they aren't there in three years, blame somebody in Botswana. I'm sure it's their fault.) So...without further ado, I'll get to my topic of the day:

No One Wants To Hear About It

Let's face it. Some topics of conversation are dull. Snooze-worthy. Plain old boring. We are all guilty; we all find ourselves talking about this stuff at one time or another. But that doesn't make it right. Today I will provide you with a list of some things that no one wants to hear about. Ever. Not at lunch. Not on Facebook. Not on Twitter. Not while camping. Not any time. (Feel free to add in the comments section.)

• How little you studied for the test, but still got a good grade.
• Your dad's job. (Unless your dad is a spy, and even then, discuss sparingly.)
• Anything about a car you don't own.
• About the one time, six years ago at camp, when you ate a worm on a dare.
• Your opinion on how great the Beatles were.
• Your weird dream you had the other night.
• The amount of sleep you got last night.
• The building of your parents' new home.
  
• Your thoughts on Mondays.
• Who you think is going to win...anything.
  
• How happy you are that a team won something.
• The one time you got food poisoning from somewhere.
  
• The starving children in Africa when you don't finish everything on your plate.
  
• American Idol.
• The time you got pulled over for something and the cop just gave you a warning.
• The amount of money you got from dumping your spare change at a Coinstar.
• Any concert or party that took place over three months ago.
• Your headache.
• Countries you want to visit.
• Complaints regarding the lack of music on MTV.
• Your infected toenail.
  
• How your cousin flipped his car. (Unless your cousin is a spy, and even then, discuss sparingly.)
• Things your phone can do.
• Things your dog ate/tried to eat.
• Why Macs are better than PCs (or vice versa)
• The fact that stores put seasonal merchandise on display far in advance of the actual season/holiday.
• Complaints regarding the recent changes made to Facebook.
  

Arrr, Matey!

I haven't blogged on here in forever. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm workin' on it. However, here is a funny for today.

CLICK HERE FOR FUNNY!

A few lines from the above link:

"Pirates do not cry, except in the case of a loss of a shipload of rum."

"When drinking, pirates may sing. "Fifteen Men On a Dead Man's Chest" is preferred. Kelly Clarkson songs are not allowed."

"A pirate may never compliment another pirate on the softness of his hands."

A Few Letters

Dear Mr. Menken,

Don't ever stop writing music.


Dear Snow,

I hate you. Stay out of my spring-time.


Dear Peru,

I'm excited to meet you!


Dear BYU friends,

I MISS YOU.


Dear Spider,

I don't care if you DO have a wife and three kids. I will smush you with whatever means necessary if you step foot in my room again.


Dear Stars,

Thanks for being so gorgeous. Muah!


Dear Jimmer,

You rock. Also, good luck with your TV show.


Dear Neil Haskell (from SYTYCD),

Marry me?


Dear Payson Sno Shack,

I love you. And I'm upset I have to wait until I get back to eat one of your delicious snow cones.

Easter Candy vs. Halloween Candy

Well folks, it's that time of year again. Easter. Possibly one of my favorite holidays not only because of the religious meaning behind it, but because of the other fabulous traditions associated with it. Easter is the time when we go to Grandma's house and eat yumm-o food and decorate sugar cookies with mountains of frosting...and then watch the frosting come out of my cousin's nose when she laughs too hard. Easter is when my parents hide colorful eggs all around the house and then sit back and laugh while the kids look like idiots searching for them. Why do we search out these hidden eggs, you ask? One reason, and one reason alone: CANDY.

Easter candy is rockin. However, there are those people who still insist that Halloween candy is better. I'm here to prove them wrong.

• Easter candy is bigger. When you go out trick-or-treating, your best hope is a fun-sized candy bar. Sure, there are those few houses in the wealthy neighborhood that will hand out full-size candy bars, but they are few and far between. Easter candy, particularly chocolate bunnies, is so large it's almost impossible to eat the whole thing in one sitting. Admittedly you receive more Halloween candy than Easter candy, so it all evens out eventually, but admit it: it's so much more satisfying to bite into something larger than your forearm than swallow that minuscule piece of candy they dare to call "fun-sized".

• Easter candy is more sinister. Halloween used to be about zombies and vampires. Now it's about sexy nurses and pumpkins. And the candy is hardly spooky. Candy corn? What's so scary about CORN?? Now let's look at the Easter candy: Rabbits! Have you ever watched a rabbit? Better yet, have you ever seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Yeah. They just sit there, looking all cute...and then they strike! Creepy little buggers. They'll make you soil your armor, they will.

• Easter candy is more colorful. What are the colors of Halloween candy? Black and orange. Yawn. What are the colors of Easter candy? Every pastel color imaginable that would make even the most miserable person get pink fuzzies inside.

• Easter candy is available whenever. Just go to your nearest store and look around, and if they don't happen to have it, just look in your neighbor's yard for the eggs still there from last year that no one found.

• Easter candy comes in a basket. For Halloween, what do you lug your candy around in? A pillowcase? It goes right back on your bed/in the closet. A bag? Gets thrown away. Plastic pumpkin? Chucked right in with the bag. Easter candy, however, comes in this adorable little basket. There are so many things you can do with a basket! Have a picnic, carry a cat around, burn it for warmth in the wilderness, carry school supplies, etc. etc.

• Starburst jellybeans. Need I say more?

• You don't have to dress up. Halloween requires you to spend an outrageous amount of money on a costume so you will qualify for the candy. Easter, however, requires no such thing. You can sit around your house in your pj's, for all anyone cares, and eat candy to your heart's content.

• Cadbury Creme Eggs. Do you know what the creme in those eggs is made of? Heaven. (And high fructose corn syrup.)

• Easter candy is delivered by a cuddly mythical beast that represents fertility. Halloween candy is delivered by Old Mr. Vanderbott down the street. He is hardly mythical. Or cuddly.

If You Watch It Backwards

I found this website dedicated to what movies would be like if you watched them backwards, and it made me laugh pretty hard. So, dear readers, I'm supplying you with some of my favorites. You can thank me later. Preferably with a gift card.

• If you watch Harry Potter backwards, it's about a bunch of kids trying to revive Voldemort so he can save Harry's parents.

• If you watch Remember the Titans backwards, it's about Denzel Washington segregating a talented football team.

• If you watch Titanic backwards, it's about underwater people repairing a ship with an iceberg so it can sail back to England.

• If you watch Twilight backwards, Edward Cullen still looks like a llama.

• If you watch Mean Girls backwards, it's about a girl who gets so unpopular that she moves to Africa.

• If you watch She's The Man backwards, it's pretty much the same, except the guy at the end isn't as attractive as Channing Tatum and her brother moves to London.

• If you watch Old Yeller backwards, it's a family classic about a zombie dog who becomes friends with a young boy.

• If you watch 127 Hours backwards it's a lovely film about a disabled man finding an arm in the desert.
  

The Mysteries of Life

There are many things in life that tend to boggle my mind and leave me scratching my head. Things like mint chocolate chip flavored gum, and why DID that darn chicken cross the road? I'm not even sure they really have an explanation, so I usually just chalk these things up to being one of "Life's Mysteries". I don't think we mere mortals are supposed to understand, anyways. So let us take a moment to ponder just a few of these fascinating phenomena.

• Where is Waldo, anyway? And what is his reason for hiding from everyone? Is he running from the Palestinian government for stealing their prize camel? Ashamed of his silly hat? Avoiding his psycho ex?
  

• What do they use to ship styrofoam?

• That Lone Shoe on the freeway. You know, when you're driving along, you look at the side of the road, and there's a shoe. All by itself. Why is it there? And where is its companion?
  

• What was the best thing before sliced bread?

• High School cafeterias. The things that commence and the food that is served there shall forever boggle my mind.

• Blobfish. Apparently Nature has a sense of humor.
  

• Why do we drink cow milk? Really! Like who was that first guy who looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!"

• Mullets. They are about as attractive as a yak, but for some reason guys love the hairstyle.
  

• Why do we press harder on the remote control buttons when we know the battery is dead?

• What language does the voice in deaf people's heads speak? (There's a mind-bender for ya!)
  

• Why are there so many Land Before Time movies? The first one was perfectly fine by itself. If they keep going, they're eventually have to show the dinosaurs getting destroyed by meteors. And I don't think little kids would appreciate watching Little Foot get blown up.

• These shoes.

• Why every person who owns a ukulele feels it is their duty and calling in life to carry it around everywhere they go and constantly play the same four chords over and over again.

• The Edward/Jacob rivalry, when CLEARLY Harry Potter trumps all.
  

You Know You're A Zoobie When...

After almost completing my freshman year here at Brigham Young University, I've made some observations about the people and environment here. It truly is a strange place. And so, to my fellow BYU students and to you alumni out there: here are 22 signs you're a Zoobie. Enjoy. (And feel free to add on in the comments.)

1. You think it's illegal to walk on the grass.
2. You think being 24 and single will classify you as an old maid/spinster.
3. You get pissed when somebody doesn't know who Jimmer Fredette is.
4. You gasped because I said pissed.
5. At least 10% of the class is always at least 10 minutes late.
6. Your second favoritest team is whoever plays Utah.
7. Cosmo is your personal hero, second only to Jimmer.
8. You go jogging at four in the morning.
9. You jog in your BYU t-shirt and honor-code-inappropriately-short shorts.
10. You've hiked the Y more times than you can count.
11. You think you're rebellious because you have a mustache.
12. You realize that you have as much chance of finding a spot to park as Rebecca Black forgetting what day comes after Thursday.
13. You have your biology class and sacrament meeting in the same room.
14. You get all excited when you see a black person on campus.
15. You start out class, whether it's Book of Mormon or Calculus, with a prayer. And sometimes a hymn.
16. You are no longer surprised to see flashmobs on campus because they happen so often. (Speaking of which, if you haven't seen the video of our student section flashmob at the last home basketball game, check it out. We're rockin'. CLICK!)
17. You count homework assignments or study sessions as dates.
18. You notice when the bell tower plays a new song.
    
19. Some of your term papers are on dating and marriage.
20. You're too lazy to bring your scriptures to class so you just download them on your phone or look them up on your laptop.
21. You lose a good portion of your friends not to drugs or jail, but to missions and marriage.
    
22. You have to talk to your bishop about breaking curfew.
23. You know that Ultimate Frisbee is a recognized sport.
    

Why March Is Made Of Win

The month of March happens to be one of my favorites. It always fills me with happiness and warm fuzzies. To celebrate the first day of this joyous month, I have decided to give you dear readers five reasons to love this month as much as I do.

1. February (and winter) is over
Let's just accept it: February is disgusting. It's cold, you're sick of winter, and you have to suffer through Single Awareness Day. The whole month is depressing and spent wishing it wasn't, and though it may help to bring out your inner emotional and bitter poet, it doesn't do much else.

2. Spring is fast approaching
There is absolutely nothing better than Spring Fever. Everybody gets all giddy and twitterpated, the sun is shining, birds are chirping, snowman guts are melting, and life is just great. We look forward to thunderstorms instead of blizzards and flowers instead of icicles. We praise that fabulous little groundhog that saw its shadow that fateful day on February 2.

3. St. Patrick's Day
"It's the closest the Irish will ever get to the Fourth of July" -Michael Scott, The Office. Now this is a great holiday. Full of little bearded Irish men, pots o' gold, rainbows, and all sorts of paraphernalia saying "Kiss Me, I'm Irish." (Which, by the way, everyone seems to wear regardless of their Irish ancestry. What the heck, right?)

3a. Pi Day
March 14th. The holiday for nerds and goofballs. Also, a great excuse to eat pie.

3b. National Pancake Day
March 1st. Go to IHOP, and you get pancakes for free. Ohhh yeah...I'm all over that.

4. THE FESTIVAL OF COLORS
This day alone makes March awesome. I count down for this day like I count down for Christmas. I literally cannot express my immense love and excitement for this particular event. Watch the video to see the awesomeness. (Skip to about 0:10)





5. March Madness
Ahh, the excitement of the NCAA. Everyone is filling out brackets and caught up in the basketball fever. This year is especially awesome because my fabulous school, Brigham Young University, has a good shot at going far. We are currently ranked #3 in the nation, and we have the nation's leading scorer, Jimmer Fredette, on the team. Oh yeah. (For those who haven't read it, feel free to read my 'Ode to Jimmer' post by clicking here.) Basketball is SO fun to watch, and the rivalries of March Madness are awesome.

The ABC's of Phobias

You all probably already know that there are many different types of phobias out there. However, I have taken it upon myself to find one for each letter of the alphabet. Educate yourself.

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. I want to meet someone with this phobia. Because peanut butter is delicious. And though it's sometimes annoying when it sticks to the roof of your mouth, it's hardly terrifying.
Barophobia- Fear of gravity. What goes up, must come down. And I guess that scares some people.
Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns. I'm pretty sure I have this phobia.. Clowns are scary! They're all up in your face, covered in make-up so you can't tell who they are, and wearing hideous clothing. They're a little too happy. Plus, who in their right mind would want to be a clown? Nobody, that's who! Only the crazies who are also capable of murder.
Deipnophobia- Fear of dining or dinner conversations. Ugh...small-talk. Nobody likes it.
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers. Highly understandable. What with all their new-fangled talk and walking around with their pants either sagging to their ankles or tighter than a fat kid's grip on a twinkie...it's hard not to be frightened.
Francophobia- Fear of France or French culture. They did invent the guillotine. Just sayin. Also they serve ridiculously tiny amounts of food for ridiculously high prices.
Geniophobia- Fear of chins. Really? Come on now.
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia- Fear of long words. Ohhhh, the irony.
Iatrophobia- Fear of going to the doctor or of doctors. Have you ever felt that stethoscope?? They keep that thing in the freezer! The second it touches your skin you can't help but scream! Also, they like poking you with needles. Blech.
Judeophobia- Fear of Jews. You Nazi.
Kathisophobia- Fear of sitting down. What, are you afraid your butt will meld to the chair? Lets be reasonable.
Logophobia- Fear of words. This would be interesting...."Hi *scream* I *scream* have *scream* Logophobia *scream*."
Mnemophobia- Fear of memories. Guy 1: "Hey remember that one time when-" Guy 2: "NOOOO!!"
Numerophobia- Fear of numbers. How would you ever get a date if you couldn't ask for their number?
Omphalophobia- Fear of belly buttons. Ummm....yeah. I have nothing to say to that. That's just weird.
Porphyrophobia- Fear of the color purple. No Barney for you!
Quadraphobia- Fear of quartets, or getting drawn and quartered. Okay, no one has been drawn and quartered since like the 1300's. Really. Wikipedia says so. (So it must be true.) Quartets...barbershop ones can be a little disturbing sometimes, but usually only if they're holding chainsaws/guns or running really fast with scissors.
Rhytiphobia- Fear of getting wrinkles. My advice? Don't get old.
Scelerophibia- Fear of bad men, burglars. Because there is nothing worse than that moment when you're all alone in the house, it's dark, and you hear a noise...and you accept the fact that you're going to die.
Testophobia- Fear of taking tests. Another entirely understandable one, especially at BYU. Tests are scary. And it's a well-known fact that the Testing Center is the most prayed-in building on campus.
Urophobia- Fear of urine or urinating. People with this phobia must sound like they're giving birth every time they go pee, what with all the terrified screaming. Their poor roommates.
Vestiphobia- Fear of clothing. ...And now we know how nudist colonies are formed.
Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons. Okay, but what the heck are Walloons?
Xylophobia- 1) Fear of wooden objects. 2) Forests. Kind of a double-whammy, considering that forests are made from wooden objects. (Trees, in case you didn't catch that.)
Ymophobia- Fear of contrariety. So, what, they see opposing colors side by side and faint of fear? I want to play a checkers game with them. Black & White, plus opposing teams. And we'll get someone to strike up an argument nearby. Who's with me??
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat. Woah. I mean, I've heard of the Great Pumpkin...and the naked mole rat from Kim Possible...but the great mole rat?? Sounds scary enough to me.

A Thought.

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life." -- Elizabeth Gillbert


Happy Valentine's Day.

Jimmer-Mania

Who is this guy?

He looks pretty much like your average Joe. Kinda on the goofy-looking side. He could be a plumber, or a mechanic.

But he isn't.

Every individual on BYU campus wants to marry this man.

His name is whispered throughout Utah, yelled across campus, and screamed on the basketball court.

Jimmer Fredette.

Over the course of the past couple weeks, every man, woman, and child have been swept up in the "Jimmer Fever". He's been talked about in countless facebook statuses, mentioned on the news dozens of times, and is BYU's new hero.

Why? I'll tell you why.

Because he's awesome.

Jimmer is is the reason BYU has become a Final Four caliber team. Sure, he can be a bit of a ball-hog, but it's because he's the best out there, and we all know it. Besides, fans love the Jimmer Show.

Jimmer seems to be unstoppable. He the nation's leading scorer, and has had several games where he scores over 40 points. Not only does he rack up the points, but he does it with flair. He shoots three-pointers like he's shooting into a hula hoop, and does it with all with a straight face that would intimidate a grizzly bear and send it running back to it's grizzly mama. All the opposing teams know he's a force to be reckoned with, and often send two guys to guard him, but to no avail. He barges right through hordes of defenders like they're two-year-olds, sinks the ball into the net, and the crowd eats it up. The best part? He makes it all look easier than eating cake.

All thoughts of homework and normalcy are forgotten, as students instead turn their efforts into making shirts and posters that express their admiration such as, "It's Peanut Butter Jimmer Time!" and "Take Me To The Temple, Jimmer!!" We wonder how we lived life before watching BYU basketball. Our faces are stained blue from paint. We use his name as a verb. (i.e. "You just got Jimmered!") We plot to kill off his head cheerleader girlfriend.

We love you, number 32. Teach us how to Jimmer.



BONUS: http://dreamcatchermedia.com/jimmered Super funny.

The Best Fictional Vacation Spots

There are times when life gets hard, and you just need to get away for a time. While most people head off to Hawaii or their grandmother's house, I sometimes wish I could go to somewhere a bit different. So, without further ado....

*trumpets sound*

-Ashley's List of Best Fictional Vacation Spots-


Hogwarts: Though it's a bit drafty, it comes with an endless feast at your arrival, a free cloak, and a whole bunch of Hufflepuffs to play pranks on and scoff at to your heart's content. (Bonus: That dude who plays Edward Cullen is in there, so you can FINALLY drop-kick him down the stairs or give him a swirly. Whichever you prefer.) The room-service is also fantastic: little house-elves will bring you whatever you want and will clean your room, all while singing a happy little working song.

Jurassic Park: Nothing like being in a tropical location, traipsing through a jungle full of exotic wildlife. And of course by "wildlife", I mean "extremely cranky and bloodthirsty dinosaurs". Sure, it's dangerous, but that's part of the charm. Pack plenty of sunscreen, a granola bar or two, and something to beat up those pesky raptors. BTW: How awesome was the pterodactyl scene in Jurassic Park 3? The answer: Extremely.

Narnia: I shouldn't even have to explain this one, so I'll spend little time on it. Narnia is the coolest place I've ever heard of. Frolicking around with big gentle lions and badgers? Bliss. Also, Peter and Prince Caspian are extremely attractive. The only tricky thing about it is you have to find the right closet to get in. Happy hunting!

100 Acre Wood: Where Christopher Robin plays. (Note: This is the forest from either the book or the original movie of Winnie the Pooh...not from the sequels or crappy W.t.P. tv shows.) It's full of happy, giggling, innocent little animals that you can easily subject to your will and then become their king. Plus, I hear the honey there is to die for.

Middle Earth: You'll want to spend most of your time at the Shire here. The elves in Rivendell are snobbish, and the orcs over in Mordor won't exactly leave little chocolates on your pillow. The home of the hobbits, however, is full of little (and I mean LITTLE) people with furry feet who enjoy dance parties and ale. Can't go wrong there.

Mushroom Kingdom: Don't even try to tell me you haven't wanted to go here once in your lifetime. First of all, there are gold coins everywhere that you just have to run around and grab. You can collect thousands of dollars with every step you take! This is a wonderful place to just run amok; stomping on turtles and saving princesses.

Background Characters

In every movie and book, there are background characters. They usually don't say too much; sometimes it's only a line or two of dialogue. You might not even know their name, so when you talk about them you're forced to refer to them as "That One Guy" or "What's Her Face". They usually just stand around the main character, eating fries, or doing whatever background characters do. However, we must realize that the movie/book/whatever would be bland and boring without them. Here are a few of my favorites.

Trixie (from Toy Story 3)
Who she is: Trixie is the internet-savvy and adorable little triceratops toy in Bonnie's bedroom that Woody befriends.

Why I like her: She made me laugh when the rest of the movie made me cry.

Mr. Narwhal (from Elf)
Who he is: If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you. You have to hate Christmas or something not to have seen this movie. Scrooge.

Why I like him: It just wouldn’t be Christmas unless we saw Mr. Narwhal pop mysteriously out of the water to say his only line of dialogue: “Goodbye, Buddy. Hope you find your dad.” If you’re setting forth on a journey of self-discovery, wouldn’t you want a few kind words from a gentle, horned sea mammal? I sure would.

The Grandma (from Mulan)
Who she is: The kooky and fearless grandmother who believes in lucky insects.

Why I like her: She's such a cute old lady. And she's pretty blunt about what she thinks. For instance: when Mulan comes home from saving China and kicking some Hun derriere, the first thing she says is "Oh, she brought home a sword. If you ask me, she should've brought home a man!" *Shang walks in* "Ooh! Sign me up for the next war!"

The Gate Key Guy (from The Princess Bride)
Who he is: Um...self explanatory.
"Give us the gate keys."
"I have no gate keys."
"Fezzik, rip his arms off."
"Oh, you mean *these* gate keys?"

Why I like him: He just makes me laugh. That's all.

Pascal (from Tangled)
Who he is: The loyal and fantastic chameleon that is always at Rapunzel's side. Also another great one from that movie is Maximus, the horse...who acts like a dog. And that old guy who looks like Cupid. He's great too.

Why I like him: Click on his name and watch the video. You'll see why.

Who are YOUR favorites?

The Little Things

Some things that make me happy/smile:

• My wonderful family
• Hanging out with my old and new roommates
• Rain
• Thunder
• My church
  
• Classical piano, especially Chopin
• Playing the piano
• Nice texts/posts on facebook
• Temples
  
• My ice skating class
• Karl. Aka the best friend/poster ever. He now lives in Soph and Jenna's room.
• Daisies
• Good hair days
• My best friend, Kassie Jo, and how we can talk about anything... And I mean anything.
  
• Listening to good music
• Gorgeous sunsets (yes, I did take that picture below)
  

• Mail! Especially missionary letters.
• STARGAZING
• The Payson Snowcone Shack
  
• Taking off heels after walking around in them all day
• My cute puppy
• Midnight snacks
• Guys' cologne
• The 'fit right in' feeling
• Stepping on crunchy leaves
• Those photo booths in the mall where you get a strip of pictures
• Laughing, with anyone
• Taking goofy pictures
• Pictures I look great in
• Painting fingernails
• Hot chocolate on a cold day
  
• Changing into sweats after church or a long day
• Thoughts of summer
• This list
• Licking the beaters after making brownies
• Singing in the car
• When boys open doors for me, including car doors
• Ice cream. Also Spoon It Up and Yogurt Bliss. (happy in a cup!)
  
• Tecktonic dance
• Otter Pops
• Putting your clothes in the dryer in the mornings for ten minutes, just so you can pull them out and put them on cause they're SO WARM!
• Reading a good book
• Hugs
• Escalators
• Running into a huge flock of birds and watching them all fly away at once
• Homemade bread
• Sleeping in
• Night games
  
• 11:11
• Disney/Pixar movies
• Being all twitterpated and giddy when Spring comes
• The sound of popcorn popping
• Inside jokes
• Smiling at strangers
• Icicles that hang from trees or houses
• The feeling you get when everything is going right
• How weird my family is, especially my sister Amanda :)
• Sleeping on the trampoline
• When a bubble lands on you and doesn't pop right away
• Penguins
• So You Think You Can Dance, and how Alesha shares my obsession for it
• 'Aha' moments
• Mud-sliding after it rains really hard
• Driving up Payson Canyon in the fall
• Naps
• The old guy down the street whistling in the summer so the whole neighborhood can hear
• Cute earrings
• The way frost looks on my window on wintery mornings
• Fluffy socks
• Post-its
• The smell of a brand-new book

Artista Sista

This post is solely to brag about my little sister. She's a crazy good artist...and sometimes I want to smack her with her easel cause she's so talented. So I figured I would let you all partake in my jealousy. Note: I only have a few pictures at the moment, but I'll post more later.

(Unfinished, but still) Audrey Hepburn from "My Fair Lady". Colored pencil.

Working on her first ever oil painting

"God Hath Made Everything Beautiful" - This one she entered into a few competitions, and was her second oil painting.

This one she did in about a day for a Reflections contest with the theme "Together We Can". It's a bit of a family joke because this painting has progressed to the State level so far and she barely spent any time on it.

I'm Baaaaack!

Hello dear readers. I realize its been a while since I've last posted. However, the dawn is breaking and I am writing once again!

Today's subject: Facebook.

Facebook. The addictive site with an outrageously high number of users, all posting, tagging, updating, adding you as a friend, and playing Farmville. You can keep in touch with all your friends, family, acquaintances, co-workers, and that kid you may have talked to once at band camp. Or maybe you just lent him a pencil. Either way, you're friends now.

Facebook is the place where people answer the age-old question, "What's on your mind?" to update a "status". The purpose is allow others have a little sneak peek into the person's life. The good ones are informative, witty, and humorous. The bad ones are...not. There are a few types of bad status updaters.

• The Sympathy-Baiter: "Today was so terrible...", "I'm not doing too well...", "I'm so ugly...". These people leave morbidly vague statuses...(statusi?) in order to trap the unsuspecting reader into commenting and asking what's wrong or leaving compliments. Now every once in a while there are legitimate problems that do not count for this category, such as death, cancer, or a lost llama. However, I'm not talking about those things. I'm talking about the stupid little ones that everyone goes through, and you should just keep it to yourself. But if you must complain to the world, just come out and say it!
  
• The Bad Grammarian: "im sitting wit friendz", "yuu too!!!", "no not reallii". (These are actual examples, mind you.) These people just need a good smack upside the head. I know that in the cyber world, things are different, and no one likes a grammar/spelling Nazi, but enough is enough. Reallii.
  
• The Creeper: This is the dude that just sits back and never updates a status or posts a picture, but will randomly bring up something that someone ELSE posted in a conversation. They just sit back in the shadows and lurk. Creepy.

Note: This is entirely different from the phenomenon known as "facebook stalking". If you are unfamiliar with it...look it up. I'm too lazy to explain. But its fun. And highly useful. :)

• Mr. "Popular": This is that guy (or girl) who is "friends" with about five trillion people. I'm sorry, but unless you're Oprah Winfrey, there is no way you know that many people, let alone the random lady from Botswana.
  
• The Constant Updater of Boring Life Trivia: "Eating a sandwich", "Going to the gas station", "Reading a book", etc. Really? Nobody cares. I'm sorry...but they don't.

There are many more, but I think you get the point. After all, they are everywhere.