Alarm Clocks (Part 2)

So I'm guessing most of you have already read my post about alarm clocks. (If not, click here!) I thought I had found the worst of the alarm clocks out there: Clocky. However, I was surfing the web today, and to my horror and dismay, I discovered I was wrong. Dead wrong.

You remember how I told you that the alarm clock companies thrive on making you look like a dork first thing in the morning? You don't? Click on that link already, jeesh!! But if you do, here is my proof. Get ready for the Evilness. (And yes, these are all real.)

1. Attention! Ever wonder what waking up in the army would be like? Well today is your not-so-lucky day! With this Drill Sergeant clock, you can experience arising to a blasting of the morning bugle call "Reveille", before your very own sergeant starts barking orders at you.


2. Duck and Cover
Now, this little alarm grenade is not to wake YOURSELF up, but to wake up roommates, siblings, parents, bears, etc. (Caution: Do not attempt unless you are ok with the fact that said victim will most likely chase you out of the room and beat you to death with the closest available object. And then go back to sleep just to spite you.) How does it work? Simple. Pull the pin, throw the grenade into the room, and run like heck as it emits an ear-splitting noise.


3. Blast Off

Ok. Now we're getting into the alarm clocks that make you WORK to wake up. (Sound familiar? Clockyyyy...) As the alarm goes off on this little beauty, it shoots the rocket off in your room, and the only way to turn it back off is to get out from under the covers, find the blasted thing, and stick it back onto the launch pad. Yay.


4. Puzzled

Oh goody! Another one! This one shoots the puzzle pieces across the room, and you have to find them and then put them back where they go.


5. Get Up, Stand Up


Probably the hardest part about waking up in the mornings is actually dragging your sleep-ridden body out from under those toasty covers. This alarm clock plays on that weakness. It's actually a mat that you have to go stand on for it to turn off.


6. Keeps On Going, and Going, and Going...

Good glory. Another one. This one is guaranteed to jerk you from your dreams. What a brat. When it goes off, it make a continuous beeping noise and flashes green lights until you rotate the little arm lever for one and a half minutes straight. Think you can just take out the batteries? Ohhh no. The battery is built in, and rechargeable.


7. Humiliation

I saved the worst for last. This alarm clock just descends to a whole new level of Evilness. Its job is to shame you out of bed every morning, whether you like it or not. Plug in your cell phone, and if it keeps ringing, it dials a random number in your contacts. So not only will YOU have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn, your dear Auntie Gertrude will too. And she will not be so dear to you when the first thing she hears is your groggy voice.