Alarm Clocks

I hate them.

They are the LAST thing I want to be listening to when I wake up in the morning. If ever asked, "Hey Ash, if you could pick one sound to wake up to, what would it be?" I can guarantee you the answer would not be "Oh I know! I would love to hear a ridiculously loud and annoying beeping noise that goes on for about, oh, five years, unless you push a small button that's insanely hard to find!" Yep. Pretty sure that would never ever EVER be the case.


If I have to be woken up from my cool dream where I'm *insert some bad A dream sequence here*, I would prefer not to fall out of bed from fright at the dumb alarm clock because its so loud! Why can't it be something relaxing to help ease your way from dreams back into reality, like a babbling brook or or beautiful Tibetan bell chime? Just sayin. No one likes to have a heart attack first thing in the morning.

Now, it's embarrassing enough for a grown-up intelligent human being to freak out like a little schoolgirl when they first wake up. But apparently the alarm clock companies thrive on that sort of thing. They find our suffering funny. I recently heard of a new kind of alarm clock that adds to the humiliation. Not only does this alarm clock make more noise than a freight train, but it has wheels as well. So when it goes off, it literally jumps off your nightstand or desk or whatever, and rolls around the room. (I quote, "All-terrain wheels let the clock roam throughout your bedroom on carpet or hardwood — actually changes course if it runs into an obstacle!") This forces you to crawl blindly around your room (cause you haven't turned on the light yet...or if you have, you're still blinded by the sudden brightness) like a total idiot, trying to shut off the evil beeping noise. Only when you finally catch the little demon can you turn it off.

Got a good mental image in your head of this madness?

The alarm clock companies live for it.


Oh, and did I mention it has a name? Yep. "Clocky".

I also imagine that they make a lot of money off of these little devils, for I'm sure people have to keep buying new ones. I know that the first thing I would do after spending the first few minutes of my morning crawling around my room trying to find the dumb thing would be to smash it against the wall, stomp on the remains, and then crawl right back into bed to soothe my poor nerves.

Speaking of which, I'm going back to bed. It's too early.