Alarm Clocks (Part 2)

So I'm guessing most of you have already read my post about alarm clocks. (If not, click here!) I thought I had found the worst of the alarm clocks out there: Clocky. However, I was surfing the web today, and to my horror and dismay, I discovered I was wrong. Dead wrong.

You remember how I told you that the alarm clock companies thrive on making you look like a dork first thing in the morning? You don't? Click on that link already, jeesh!! But if you do, here is my proof. Get ready for the Evilness. (And yes, these are all real.)

1. Attention! Ever wonder what waking up in the army would be like? Well today is your not-so-lucky day! With this Drill Sergeant clock, you can experience arising to a blasting of the morning bugle call "Reveille", before your very own sergeant starts barking orders at you.


2. Duck and Cover
Now, this little alarm grenade is not to wake YOURSELF up, but to wake up roommates, siblings, parents, bears, etc. (Caution: Do not attempt unless you are ok with the fact that said victim will most likely chase you out of the room and beat you to death with the closest available object. And then go back to sleep just to spite you.) How does it work? Simple. Pull the pin, throw the grenade into the room, and run like heck as it emits an ear-splitting noise.


3. Blast Off

Ok. Now we're getting into the alarm clocks that make you WORK to wake up. (Sound familiar? Clockyyyy...) As the alarm goes off on this little beauty, it shoots the rocket off in your room, and the only way to turn it back off is to get out from under the covers, find the blasted thing, and stick it back onto the launch pad. Yay.


4. Puzzled

Oh goody! Another one! This one shoots the puzzle pieces across the room, and you have to find them and then put them back where they go.


5. Get Up, Stand Up


Probably the hardest part about waking up in the mornings is actually dragging your sleep-ridden body out from under those toasty covers. This alarm clock plays on that weakness. It's actually a mat that you have to go stand on for it to turn off.


6. Keeps On Going, and Going, and Going...

Good glory. Another one. This one is guaranteed to jerk you from your dreams. What a brat. When it goes off, it make a continuous beeping noise and flashes green lights until you rotate the little arm lever for one and a half minutes straight. Think you can just take out the batteries? Ohhh no. The battery is built in, and rechargeable.


7. Humiliation

I saved the worst for last. This alarm clock just descends to a whole new level of Evilness. Its job is to shame you out of bed every morning, whether you like it or not. Plug in your cell phone, and if it keeps ringing, it dials a random number in your contacts. So not only will YOU have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn, your dear Auntie Gertrude will too. And she will not be so dear to you when the first thing she hears is your groggy voice.

This One's For You!

Due to the fact that I sit around all day at work doing virtually nothing but watch stuff on hulu, text anyone who will put up with my chatter, and hit the refresh button on facebook, I've decided to give this blog some more lovin. It's been neglected lately, the poor thing.

First and foremost, this particular post is dedicated to my aunt Denise and my cousin Erica (who requested on Thursday that I refer to her as "Bertha". Whatevs. No judgment. ...Weirdo.). They have informed me that they are great fans of this here blog, and that Erica's roommate apparently has an awesome laugh when she reads it. Rock on, roommate. But for reals, I'm glad you guys like it! You'll be getting your thank-you presents in the mail. (If they aren't there in three years, blame somebody in Botswana. I'm sure it's their fault.) So...without further ado, I'll get to my topic of the day:

No One Wants To Hear About It

Let's face it. Some topics of conversation are dull. Snooze-worthy. Plain old boring. We are all guilty; we all find ourselves talking about this stuff at one time or another. But that doesn't make it right. Today I will provide you with a list of some things that no one wants to hear about. Ever. Not at lunch. Not on Facebook. Not on Twitter. Not while camping. Not any time. (Feel free to add in the comments section.)

• How little you studied for the test, but still got a good grade.
• Your dad's job. (Unless your dad is a spy, and even then, discuss sparingly.)
• Anything about a car you don't own.
• About the one time, six years ago at camp, when you ate a worm on a dare.
• Your opinion on how great the Beatles were.
• Your weird dream you had the other night.
• The amount of sleep you got last night.
• The building of your parents' new home.
  
• Your thoughts on Mondays.
• Who you think is going to win...anything.
  
• How happy you are that a team won something.
• The one time you got food poisoning from somewhere.
  
• The starving children in Africa when you don't finish everything on your plate.
  
• American Idol.
• The time you got pulled over for something and the cop just gave you a warning.
• The amount of money you got from dumping your spare change at a Coinstar.
• Any concert or party that took place over three months ago.
• Your headache.
• Countries you want to visit.
• Complaints regarding the lack of music on MTV.
• Your infected toenail.
  
• How your cousin flipped his car. (Unless your cousin is a spy, and even then, discuss sparingly.)
• Things your phone can do.
• Things your dog ate/tried to eat.
• Why Macs are better than PCs (or vice versa)
• The fact that stores put seasonal merchandise on display far in advance of the actual season/holiday.
• Complaints regarding the recent changes made to Facebook.
  

Arrr, Matey!

I haven't blogged on here in forever. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm workin' on it. However, here is a funny for today.

CLICK HERE FOR FUNNY!

A few lines from the above link:

"Pirates do not cry, except in the case of a loss of a shipload of rum."

"When drinking, pirates may sing. "Fifteen Men On a Dead Man's Chest" is preferred. Kelly Clarkson songs are not allowed."

"A pirate may never compliment another pirate on the softness of his hands."