A Few Letters

Dear Mr. Menken,

Don't ever stop writing music.


Dear Snow,

I hate you. Stay out of my spring-time.


Dear Peru,

I'm excited to meet you!


Dear BYU friends,

I MISS YOU.


Dear Spider,

I don't care if you DO have a wife and three kids. I will smush you with whatever means necessary if you step foot in my room again.


Dear Stars,

Thanks for being so gorgeous. Muah!


Dear Jimmer,

You rock. Also, good luck with your TV show.


Dear Neil Haskell (from SYTYCD),

Marry me?


Dear Payson Sno Shack,

I love you. And I'm upset I have to wait until I get back to eat one of your delicious snow cones.

Easter Candy vs. Halloween Candy

Well folks, it's that time of year again. Easter. Possibly one of my favorite holidays not only because of the religious meaning behind it, but because of the other fabulous traditions associated with it. Easter is the time when we go to Grandma's house and eat yumm-o food and decorate sugar cookies with mountains of frosting...and then watch the frosting come out of my cousin's nose when she laughs too hard. Easter is when my parents hide colorful eggs all around the house and then sit back and laugh while the kids look like idiots searching for them. Why do we search out these hidden eggs, you ask? One reason, and one reason alone: CANDY.

Easter candy is rockin. However, there are those people who still insist that Halloween candy is better. I'm here to prove them wrong.

• Easter candy is bigger. When you go out trick-or-treating, your best hope is a fun-sized candy bar. Sure, there are those few houses in the wealthy neighborhood that will hand out full-size candy bars, but they are few and far between. Easter candy, particularly chocolate bunnies, is so large it's almost impossible to eat the whole thing in one sitting. Admittedly you receive more Halloween candy than Easter candy, so it all evens out eventually, but admit it: it's so much more satisfying to bite into something larger than your forearm than swallow that minuscule piece of candy they dare to call "fun-sized".

• Easter candy is more sinister. Halloween used to be about zombies and vampires. Now it's about sexy nurses and pumpkins. And the candy is hardly spooky. Candy corn? What's so scary about CORN?? Now let's look at the Easter candy: Rabbits! Have you ever watched a rabbit? Better yet, have you ever seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Yeah. They just sit there, looking all cute...and then they strike! Creepy little buggers. They'll make you soil your armor, they will.

• Easter candy is more colorful. What are the colors of Halloween candy? Black and orange. Yawn. What are the colors of Easter candy? Every pastel color imaginable that would make even the most miserable person get pink fuzzies inside.

• Easter candy is available whenever. Just go to your nearest store and look around, and if they don't happen to have it, just look in your neighbor's yard for the eggs still there from last year that no one found.

• Easter candy comes in a basket. For Halloween, what do you lug your candy around in? A pillowcase? It goes right back on your bed/in the closet. A bag? Gets thrown away. Plastic pumpkin? Chucked right in with the bag. Easter candy, however, comes in this adorable little basket. There are so many things you can do with a basket! Have a picnic, carry a cat around, burn it for warmth in the wilderness, carry school supplies, etc. etc.

• Starburst jellybeans. Need I say more?

• You don't have to dress up. Halloween requires you to spend an outrageous amount of money on a costume so you will qualify for the candy. Easter, however, requires no such thing. You can sit around your house in your pj's, for all anyone cares, and eat candy to your heart's content.

• Cadbury Creme Eggs. Do you know what the creme in those eggs is made of? Heaven. (And high fructose corn syrup.)

• Easter candy is delivered by a cuddly mythical beast that represents fertility. Halloween candy is delivered by Old Mr. Vanderbott down the street. He is hardly mythical. Or cuddly.

If You Watch It Backwards

I found this website dedicated to what movies would be like if you watched them backwards, and it made me laugh pretty hard. So, dear readers, I'm supplying you with some of my favorites. You can thank me later. Preferably with a gift card.

• If you watch Harry Potter backwards, it's about a bunch of kids trying to revive Voldemort so he can save Harry's parents.

• If you watch Remember the Titans backwards, it's about Denzel Washington segregating a talented football team.

• If you watch Titanic backwards, it's about underwater people repairing a ship with an iceberg so it can sail back to England.

• If you watch Twilight backwards, Edward Cullen still looks like a llama.

• If you watch Mean Girls backwards, it's about a girl who gets so unpopular that she moves to Africa.

• If you watch She's The Man backwards, it's pretty much the same, except the guy at the end isn't as attractive as Channing Tatum and her brother moves to London.

• If you watch Old Yeller backwards, it's a family classic about a zombie dog who becomes friends with a young boy.

• If you watch 127 Hours backwards it's a lovely film about a disabled man finding an arm in the desert.