The Mysteries of Life

There are many things in life that tend to boggle my mind and leave me scratching my head. Things like mint chocolate chip flavored gum, and why DID that darn chicken cross the road? I'm not even sure they really have an explanation, so I usually just chalk these things up to being one of "Life's Mysteries". I don't think we mere mortals are supposed to understand, anyways. So let us take a moment to ponder just a few of these fascinating phenomena.

• Where is Waldo, anyway? And what is his reason for hiding from everyone? Is he running from the Palestinian government for stealing their prize camel? Ashamed of his silly hat? Avoiding his psycho ex?
  

• What do they use to ship styrofoam?

• That Lone Shoe on the freeway. You know, when you're driving along, you look at the side of the road, and there's a shoe. All by itself. Why is it there? And where is its companion?
  

• What was the best thing before sliced bread?

• High School cafeterias. The things that commence and the food that is served there shall forever boggle my mind.

• Blobfish. Apparently Nature has a sense of humor.
  

• Why do we drink cow milk? Really! Like who was that first guy who looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!"

• Mullets. They are about as attractive as a yak, but for some reason guys love the hairstyle.
  

• Why do we press harder on the remote control buttons when we know the battery is dead?

• What language does the voice in deaf people's heads speak? (There's a mind-bender for ya!)
  

• Why are there so many Land Before Time movies? The first one was perfectly fine by itself. If they keep going, they're eventually have to show the dinosaurs getting destroyed by meteors. And I don't think little kids would appreciate watching Little Foot get blown up.

• These shoes.

• Why every person who owns a ukulele feels it is their duty and calling in life to carry it around everywhere they go and constantly play the same four chords over and over again.

• The Edward/Jacob rivalry, when CLEARLY Harry Potter trumps all.
  

You Know You're A Zoobie When...

After almost completing my freshman year here at Brigham Young University, I've made some observations about the people and environment here. It truly is a strange place. And so, to my fellow BYU students and to you alumni out there: here are 22 signs you're a Zoobie. Enjoy. (And feel free to add on in the comments.)

1. You think it's illegal to walk on the grass.
2. You think being 24 and single will classify you as an old maid/spinster.
3. You get pissed when somebody doesn't know who Jimmer Fredette is.
4. You gasped because I said pissed.
5. At least 10% of the class is always at least 10 minutes late.
6. Your second favoritest team is whoever plays Utah.
7. Cosmo is your personal hero, second only to Jimmer.
8. You go jogging at four in the morning.
9. You jog in your BYU t-shirt and honor-code-inappropriately-short shorts.
10. You've hiked the Y more times than you can count.
11. You think you're rebellious because you have a mustache.
12. You realize that you have as much chance of finding a spot to park as Rebecca Black forgetting what day comes after Thursday.
13. You have your biology class and sacrament meeting in the same room.
14. You get all excited when you see a black person on campus.
15. You start out class, whether it's Book of Mormon or Calculus, with a prayer. And sometimes a hymn.
16. You are no longer surprised to see flashmobs on campus because they happen so often. (Speaking of which, if you haven't seen the video of our student section flashmob at the last home basketball game, check it out. We're rockin'. CLICK!)
17. You count homework assignments or study sessions as dates.
18. You notice when the bell tower plays a new song.
    
19. Some of your term papers are on dating and marriage.
20. You're too lazy to bring your scriptures to class so you just download them on your phone or look them up on your laptop.
21. You lose a good portion of your friends not to drugs or jail, but to missions and marriage.
    
22. You have to talk to your bishop about breaking curfew.
23. You know that Ultimate Frisbee is a recognized sport.
    

Why March Is Made Of Win

The month of March happens to be one of my favorites. It always fills me with happiness and warm fuzzies. To celebrate the first day of this joyous month, I have decided to give you dear readers five reasons to love this month as much as I do.

1. February (and winter) is over
Let's just accept it: February is disgusting. It's cold, you're sick of winter, and you have to suffer through Single Awareness Day. The whole month is depressing and spent wishing it wasn't, and though it may help to bring out your inner emotional and bitter poet, it doesn't do much else.

2. Spring is fast approaching
There is absolutely nothing better than Spring Fever. Everybody gets all giddy and twitterpated, the sun is shining, birds are chirping, snowman guts are melting, and life is just great. We look forward to thunderstorms instead of blizzards and flowers instead of icicles. We praise that fabulous little groundhog that saw its shadow that fateful day on February 2.

3. St. Patrick's Day
"It's the closest the Irish will ever get to the Fourth of July" -Michael Scott, The Office. Now this is a great holiday. Full of little bearded Irish men, pots o' gold, rainbows, and all sorts of paraphernalia saying "Kiss Me, I'm Irish." (Which, by the way, everyone seems to wear regardless of their Irish ancestry. What the heck, right?)

3a. Pi Day
March 14th. The holiday for nerds and goofballs. Also, a great excuse to eat pie.

3b. National Pancake Day
March 1st. Go to IHOP, and you get pancakes for free. Ohhh yeah...I'm all over that.

4. THE FESTIVAL OF COLORS
This day alone makes March awesome. I count down for this day like I count down for Christmas. I literally cannot express my immense love and excitement for this particular event. Watch the video to see the awesomeness. (Skip to about 0:10)





5. March Madness
Ahh, the excitement of the NCAA. Everyone is filling out brackets and caught up in the basketball fever. This year is especially awesome because my fabulous school, Brigham Young University, has a good shot at going far. We are currently ranked #3 in the nation, and we have the nation's leading scorer, Jimmer Fredette, on the team. Oh yeah. (For those who haven't read it, feel free to read my 'Ode to Jimmer' post by clicking here.) Basketball is SO fun to watch, and the rivalries of March Madness are awesome.

The ABC's of Phobias

You all probably already know that there are many different types of phobias out there. However, I have taken it upon myself to find one for each letter of the alphabet. Educate yourself.

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. I want to meet someone with this phobia. Because peanut butter is delicious. And though it's sometimes annoying when it sticks to the roof of your mouth, it's hardly terrifying.
Barophobia- Fear of gravity. What goes up, must come down. And I guess that scares some people.
Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns. I'm pretty sure I have this phobia.. Clowns are scary! They're all up in your face, covered in make-up so you can't tell who they are, and wearing hideous clothing. They're a little too happy. Plus, who in their right mind would want to be a clown? Nobody, that's who! Only the crazies who are also capable of murder.
Deipnophobia- Fear of dining or dinner conversations. Ugh...small-talk. Nobody likes it.
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers. Highly understandable. What with all their new-fangled talk and walking around with their pants either sagging to their ankles or tighter than a fat kid's grip on a twinkie...it's hard not to be frightened.
Francophobia- Fear of France or French culture. They did invent the guillotine. Just sayin. Also they serve ridiculously tiny amounts of food for ridiculously high prices.
Geniophobia- Fear of chins. Really? Come on now.
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia- Fear of long words. Ohhhh, the irony.
Iatrophobia- Fear of going to the doctor or of doctors. Have you ever felt that stethoscope?? They keep that thing in the freezer! The second it touches your skin you can't help but scream! Also, they like poking you with needles. Blech.
Judeophobia- Fear of Jews. You Nazi.
Kathisophobia- Fear of sitting down. What, are you afraid your butt will meld to the chair? Lets be reasonable.
Logophobia- Fear of words. This would be interesting...."Hi *scream* I *scream* have *scream* Logophobia *scream*."
Mnemophobia- Fear of memories. Guy 1: "Hey remember that one time when-" Guy 2: "NOOOO!!"
Numerophobia- Fear of numbers. How would you ever get a date if you couldn't ask for their number?
Omphalophobia- Fear of belly buttons. Ummm....yeah. I have nothing to say to that. That's just weird.
Porphyrophobia- Fear of the color purple. No Barney for you!
Quadraphobia- Fear of quartets, or getting drawn and quartered. Okay, no one has been drawn and quartered since like the 1300's. Really. Wikipedia says so. (So it must be true.) Quartets...barbershop ones can be a little disturbing sometimes, but usually only if they're holding chainsaws/guns or running really fast with scissors.
Rhytiphobia- Fear of getting wrinkles. My advice? Don't get old.
Scelerophibia- Fear of bad men, burglars. Because there is nothing worse than that moment when you're all alone in the house, it's dark, and you hear a noise...and you accept the fact that you're going to die.
Testophobia- Fear of taking tests. Another entirely understandable one, especially at BYU. Tests are scary. And it's a well-known fact that the Testing Center is the most prayed-in building on campus.
Urophobia- Fear of urine or urinating. People with this phobia must sound like they're giving birth every time they go pee, what with all the terrified screaming. Their poor roommates.
Vestiphobia- Fear of clothing. ...And now we know how nudist colonies are formed.
Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons. Okay, but what the heck are Walloons?
Xylophobia- 1) Fear of wooden objects. 2) Forests. Kind of a double-whammy, considering that forests are made from wooden objects. (Trees, in case you didn't catch that.)
Ymophobia- Fear of contrariety. So, what, they see opposing colors side by side and faint of fear? I want to play a checkers game with them. Black & White, plus opposing teams. And we'll get someone to strike up an argument nearby. Who's with me??
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat. Woah. I mean, I've heard of the Great Pumpkin...and the naked mole rat from Kim Possible...but the great mole rat?? Sounds scary enough to me.

A Thought.

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life." -- Elizabeth Gillbert


Happy Valentine's Day.

Jimmer-Mania

Who is this guy?

He looks pretty much like your average Joe. Kinda on the goofy-looking side. He could be a plumber, or a mechanic.

But he isn't.

Every individual on BYU campus wants to marry this man.

His name is whispered throughout Utah, yelled across campus, and screamed on the basketball court.

Jimmer Fredette.

Over the course of the past couple weeks, every man, woman, and child have been swept up in the "Jimmer Fever". He's been talked about in countless facebook statuses, mentioned on the news dozens of times, and is BYU's new hero.

Why? I'll tell you why.

Because he's awesome.

Jimmer is is the reason BYU has become a Final Four caliber team. Sure, he can be a bit of a ball-hog, but it's because he's the best out there, and we all know it. Besides, fans love the Jimmer Show.

Jimmer seems to be unstoppable. He the nation's leading scorer, and has had several games where he scores over 40 points. Not only does he rack up the points, but he does it with flair. He shoots three-pointers like he's shooting into a hula hoop, and does it with all with a straight face that would intimidate a grizzly bear and send it running back to it's grizzly mama. All the opposing teams know he's a force to be reckoned with, and often send two guys to guard him, but to no avail. He barges right through hordes of defenders like they're two-year-olds, sinks the ball into the net, and the crowd eats it up. The best part? He makes it all look easier than eating cake.

All thoughts of homework and normalcy are forgotten, as students instead turn their efforts into making shirts and posters that express their admiration such as, "It's Peanut Butter Jimmer Time!" and "Take Me To The Temple, Jimmer!!" We wonder how we lived life before watching BYU basketball. Our faces are stained blue from paint. We use his name as a verb. (i.e. "You just got Jimmered!") We plot to kill off his head cheerleader girlfriend.

We love you, number 32. Teach us how to Jimmer.



BONUS: http://dreamcatchermedia.com/jimmered Super funny.

The Best Fictional Vacation Spots

There are times when life gets hard, and you just need to get away for a time. While most people head off to Hawaii or their grandmother's house, I sometimes wish I could go to somewhere a bit different. So, without further ado....

*trumpets sound*

-Ashley's List of Best Fictional Vacation Spots-


Hogwarts: Though it's a bit drafty, it comes with an endless feast at your arrival, a free cloak, and a whole bunch of Hufflepuffs to play pranks on and scoff at to your heart's content. (Bonus: That dude who plays Edward Cullen is in there, so you can FINALLY drop-kick him down the stairs or give him a swirly. Whichever you prefer.) The room-service is also fantastic: little house-elves will bring you whatever you want and will clean your room, all while singing a happy little working song.

Jurassic Park: Nothing like being in a tropical location, traipsing through a jungle full of exotic wildlife. And of course by "wildlife", I mean "extremely cranky and bloodthirsty dinosaurs". Sure, it's dangerous, but that's part of the charm. Pack plenty of sunscreen, a granola bar or two, and something to beat up those pesky raptors. BTW: How awesome was the pterodactyl scene in Jurassic Park 3? The answer: Extremely.

Narnia: I shouldn't even have to explain this one, so I'll spend little time on it. Narnia is the coolest place I've ever heard of. Frolicking around with big gentle lions and badgers? Bliss. Also, Peter and Prince Caspian are extremely attractive. The only tricky thing about it is you have to find the right closet to get in. Happy hunting!

100 Acre Wood: Where Christopher Robin plays. (Note: This is the forest from either the book or the original movie of Winnie the Pooh...not from the sequels or crappy W.t.P. tv shows.) It's full of happy, giggling, innocent little animals that you can easily subject to your will and then become their king. Plus, I hear the honey there is to die for.

Middle Earth: You'll want to spend most of your time at the Shire here. The elves in Rivendell are snobbish, and the orcs over in Mordor won't exactly leave little chocolates on your pillow. The home of the hobbits, however, is full of little (and I mean LITTLE) people with furry feet who enjoy dance parties and ale. Can't go wrong there.

Mushroom Kingdom: Don't even try to tell me you haven't wanted to go here once in your lifetime. First of all, there are gold coins everywhere that you just have to run around and grab. You can collect thousands of dollars with every step you take! This is a wonderful place to just run amok; stomping on turtles and saving princesses.